Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Self Portrait pt.1

i am scatterbrain
and uncontrolled
collected in a messy kindof way
my legs aint always shaved
and my finger nails are rarely painted
(my childhood grim and tainted)

sometimes i have sad eyes
and a furious brow
a quick tongue 
but a daunting smile

i stand created 
from an assortment of complex memories
and establishment after experience
i myself am incorporated 
and i got business
Purpose of divine favor

my hands and lips 
sometimes be horrified
to dance in the breath of my own existence 

i often question what life is
and wonder where mine is 
i've lost it
reclaimed and disclosed my truth

sometimes there's a cry in my chest 
that i can't quite get out

sometimes i lie and contradict myself
i am a hypocrite 
and perfectly flawed 

sometimes i admire the unworthily flawless
and desire to live that life

more often than so i'm petrified 
and hidden behind the living 
folded between the lines

my hips round and large
so i'm often out the margin 
or bleeding through the paper
or sometimes just too messy to read

Ever live for years without breathing?
(i feel like i just exhaled)

sometimes i feel brutish 
and allow myself to gloat in pity

often i look to outward lives 
to catalyze my outward movement 

sometimes i feel lovely
and admire my coat of skin

too often i question myself from within
and wonder where times been

and where it's goin'
and who be knowin'
(and how much of my life was sin?)

consistently i live in uncertainty 
dwell too heavily in my own thoughts
and confuse perception with reality 

we all be
confusions of an unreal past
living towards a fabricated future

denying the moment of now
too far removed from the present
ceasing to seize the moment 
every second a different prospected memory 

every memory 
a different perspective of the past

sometimes i be scatterbrain
every thought more conflicting than the last one
actions abruptly premeditated 

I asked God to reveal me to myself
he told me to let go of my past 
and to stop anticipating the future
live aware of the present moment 
to breathe as though i've been delivered 

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