Self Portrait pt.1

i am scatterbrain

and uncontrolled

collected in a messy kindof way

my legs aint always shaved

and my finger nails are rarely painted

(my childhood grim and tainted)

sometimes i have sad eyes

and a furious brow

a quick tongue 

but a daunting smile

i stand created 

from an assortment of complex memories

and establishment after experience

i myself am incorporated 

and i got business

Purpose of divine favor

my hands and lips 

sometimes be horrified

to dance in the breath of my own existence 

i often question what life is

and wonder where mine is 

i've lost it

reclaimed and disclosed my truth

sometimes there's a cry in my chest 

that i can't quite get out

sometimes i lie and contradict myself

i am a hypocrite 

and perfectly flawed 

sometimes i admire the unworthily flawless

and desire to live that life

more often than so i'm petrified 

and hidden behind the living 

folded between the lines

my hips round and large

so i'm often out the margin 

or bleeding through the paper

or sometimes just too messy to read

Ever live for years without breathing?
(i feel like i just exhaled)

sometimes i feel brutish 

and allow myself to gloat in pity

often i look to outward lives 

to catalyze my outward movement 

sometimes i feel lovely

and admire my coat of skin

too often i question myself from within

and wonder where times been

and where it's goin'

and who be knowin'

(and how much of my life was sin?)

consistently i live in uncertainty 

dwell too heavily in my own thoughts

and confuse perception with reality 

we all be

confusions of an unreal past

living towards a fabricated future

denying the moment of now

too far removed from the present
ceasing to seize the moment 

every second a different prospected memory 

every memory 

a different perspective of the past

sometimes i be scatterbrain

every thought more conflicting than the last one
actions abruptly premeditated 

I asked God to reveal me to myself
he told me to let go of my past 

and to stop anticipating the future
live aware of the present moment 

to breathe as though i've been delivered